What My Mother and I Don't Talk About
November's book is an ode to the world's most complex relationship
The only thing that gives me more anxiety than this election and the state of the world is writing about my mother. And yet writing about my mother is pretty much what I do most days of the week. Behold Memoiring’s November Book Club pick, a critically acclaimed anthology devoted to the world’s (well, my world’s) most complex relationship. Scroll down if you just can’t wait for all the details!
BUT FIRST, A HUGE THANK YOU to everyone who attended this week’s Memoiring event with New York Times best-selling author Domenica Ruta (With or Without You, 2013 and the forthcoming All The Mothers, May 6, 2025). We had an incredible convo about our October book, The Outrun, a recovery memoir by Amy Liptrot, set on the seriously cinematic Orkney Islands of Scotland. (The adaptation just launched in theaters and Variety magazine predicts an Oscar nom for Saoirse Ronan. Go see it and quietly weep in the dark, as I may have.)
Got FOMO? We chatted about how this memoir differs from other addiction and recovery memoirs—it’s way more H is For Hawk than Drinking: A Love Story, for one. And we appreciated how effectively the protagonist’s inner life is conveyed through the island’s untamed scenery, tremors, and wildlife (seals, and lambs, and corncrakes). Per usual, this community, aka YOU, brought amazing questions for our guest author.
Memoiring Craft Morsels
We don’t record our Zoom convos because they’re super interactive, but this week I thought I'd offer a few craft takeaways from Domenica Ruta that really stood out to me. I was lucky to work with her during my MFA, and the woman just spills goodness and gold. Let me know in the Comments if you’d like to see more of these going forward. And let me know if you have a better word than “morsels.”
Bait-and-switch of beginnings: The Outrun looks like it's going to tell more of a psychological story based on the beginning. It does not. (Thanks for raising this, Diana!) Conclusion: You can write whatever you want if the writing is good + it could be justified based on the connection the author later makes between the highs of her drinking and her bipolar father's mania.
Nerding out on setting and nature: Permission granted to go deep and wide on both. So long as we get why, your reader (and likely your acquiring editor) is here for it.
Do all trauma memoirs need to be braided now? (Saluting Jessica for asking!) Per the publishing industry, it definitely looks that way. Memoirs can be about a personal trauma and something else, but not only trauma. I have LOTS of thoughts on why! I'm going to figure out a way for us to keep discussing. Hit me up in the Comments if you want to be part of it!
Speaking of Scotland
I'm headed to St Andrews! I've been invited to give a keynote at the Global Wellness Summit, where leaders and visionaries from around the world convene to positively shape the future of wellness. I'll be presenting a personal story—the official title is “Diving Deep Into Memoir: How Writing A Memoir Changed An Entrepreneur's Understanding Of Herself And Her Family.”
I love public speaking, a mic, a podium. And I actually don't mind a PowerPoint. But when I am the subject of the talk, well, it's a whole other hand-wringing thing. Wish me luck as I describe the humbling and painful self-discovery process that only a memoir writer knows, in front of an audience of 700 people. Gulp. I’ll share pics.
MEMOIRING’S NOVEMBER BOOK CLUB PICK
Without further ado, this month we’re reading What My Mother and I Don't Talk About: 15 Writers Break the Silence (Simon & Schuster, 2019), a critically acclaimed anthology edited by
, which was inspired by her viral Longreads essay.
This powerful collection goes straight for the jugular on one of the most enduring themes in memoir (is anyone NOT writing about their mother?), and harnesses the superpowers of brilliant writers to do it, ie: Sari Botton, Alexander Chee, Melissa Febos, Kiese Laymon, Carmen Maria Machado, and more. I feel I should mention that the collection has recently gone viral on Tiktok, so don’t wait to get your copy. I’m thrilled to be reading it with you — RSVP now!
Memoiring November Book: What My Mother and I Don't Talk About
Author Convo and Q&A with Michele Filgate
Wednesday, December 4 at 6:30pm ET
Sign up here: RSVPs are now open
Michele will be joining us to discuss the collection’s essays — ranging from “the hilarious, the painful, the awkward, and the downright messy” — as well as being afraid to write about our mothers and doing it anyway; turning a personal essay into a book; when your book goes viral on TikTok; creating/selling an anthology, and more.
Michele’s new book What My Father and I Don’t Talk About (pre-order it!) launches May 6, 2025, and I predict excellent things for it, too. I’m excited for you to get to know her work, if you haven’t. She also teaches creative writing, is former board member of the National Book Critics Circle, and a former contributing editor at Literary Hub. See her full, impressive bio for more + the dozens of publications she’s written for.
NEW TO MEMOIRING?
Thanks so much for being here! Here's how we roll: Go get a copy of our book club pick at your fave indie bookstore, Bookshop.org, or library, and give it a read. Sign up to Zoom with us and our amazing guest author ASAP—it’s currently free with your Memoiring subscription, which is also free.
Memoiring author events are intimate, interactive convos—picture a luxurious amount of time for Q&A (wayyy more than most author events) and an extra serving of craft talk. Bring your content and craft questions. First come, first served.
Need to know even more? Check out this Creative Independent interview on how Memoiring got started. Or post comments/questions anytime here or on Instagram.
Hope to see you on December 4. Sign up here!
Memoiringly, Melisse
BOOK GIVEAWAY WINNERS!
Platinum Memoiring Members Crystal, Robin, and Siobhan each won a copy of Jenn Shapland’s new book Thin Skin by sharing about Memoiring during September — thanks for playing and thanks Penguin Random House!
I am interested in the trauma discussion and being a part of it. I could nevet have written my memoir, which just came out (The Peril of Remembering Nice Thinhs) without something more than the trauma of my father's suicide. I just think it would have felt....flat
I'm interested in joining the discussion about writing more than trauma. My memoir in essays, Love in the Archives, a Patchwork of True Stories About Suicide Loss, could not have been just about my daughter's death. It would have killed me to write it that way. There are stories about crows and dogs and cicadas and tattoos and piercings. Stories about life. Beautiful, terrible life.